Saturday, July 20, 2019

"Don't You Know Who I Am?"


Celebrities' preferred statement when encountering police.

I heard that question a few times back in the day. Most times I did know who they were; most times, too, I did my job in spite of that knowledge.

The very first time I had contact with someone who expected me to know who they were was way back in 1979-1980, while working for Ashland PD. A car passed me eastbound on East Main Street, right about where the old Dairy Dolly used to sit, traveling fifteen miles per hour above the posted speed limit. I activated the light bar, turned on the car and stopped it a few hundred yards away. The vehicle pulled to the side of the road and, even before I was able to open the cruiser door, its driver popped out and was walking towards me, a big smile adorning his artificially-tanned face.

The driver extended his hand. "Hi, officer. I'm Mark So-and-so, TV 5 weatherman. How are you?"

WEWS channel 5 out of Cleveland. I recognized the guy immediately.

"I'd like for you to get back into your car, sir, and then I'll need your license and registration." There was no requirement to show proof of insurance back then; heck there weren't any seat belt laws, either.

The wide, bright smile fled his face, replaced by a look of bewilderment. Eventually he received an invitation to municipal court for driving fifteen MPH over the limit. I preferred having Dick Goddard tell me what the weather was going to be anyway.

A few years later, this time at Ontario PD, I had occasion to encounter the local television sports anchor during a traffic stop. He didn't jump out of his car and extend his hand; he just flat-out asked the question after I requested his driver's license.

"Don't you know who I am?", he said with a palpable air of indignance.

"Not until I see your license, sir." Of course, I knew who he was, too. Like the Cleveland weather-guesser, the local sports talking head got a ticket.

I've had interaction with other celebrities also that didn't involve violations of the law. The Indians' Jim Thome is one of the nicest, most down-to-earth professional athletes I have ever met. I worked an autograph session for the future Hall of Famer at a now-defunct card shop across from the Holiday Inn. Chatting with him while eating pizza after the session was finished was like talking to a neighbor.  Likewise with the Tribe's Julio Franco and Albert Belle, the latter in spite of his outwardly gruff demeanor. Both very nice gentlemen.

The comedian Gallagher, on the other hand, was a nightmare.

I'd been working overnight security at the Holiday Inn a few nights a week for a couple of years. Often, when entertainers performed at the Renaissance Theater next door, they'd lodge at the hotel. This particular Friday evening the man famous for smashing watermelons had finished a show and gone up to his room. Around midnight or so, I happened to be standing at the far end of the front desk, chatting with the clerk, when Gallagher exited the elevator. He strode to the counter and, in the most vile, disdainful, profane language, asked the female desk clerk if there were any restaurants open "...in this F-ing town." He was not trying to be funny.

That incident forever changed my view of Leo Anthony Gallagher. I can't stand the guy.

Likewise, I was working a few years later when actress Glenn Close rolled into the hotel at 2AM, entourage in tow. This was when a film crew was in town to shoot prison scenes for the movie 'Air Force One' out at the reformatory. Ms. Close played the role of the Vice President of the United States in the film, opposite Harrison Ford's president. All I can say about her is....she looks better on screen.

Then again, I'm pretty sure I'd look better on screen, too....with a LOT of makeup and special effects, at about a hundred yards away.

                                                        Ashland Police Dept, 1979

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