Aging And Understanding

Yesterday I received one of those phone calls you never expect. It was from a guy I worked with years ago; I was in my 40s at the time and he was, I think, 24 or twenty-five.

He called to apologize.

"What in the world for?" I asked. I was mystified because, though we don't see each other much, I still consider this man a good friend, as well as one of the funniest people I know.

'Pete', I'll call him, told me that he now understands. "You know, back then I thought, 'he's just an old guy nearing the end of his career.' You didn't care much for writing tickets or stopping a bunch of cars. Now I'm in my 40s, training young guys, and I understand how you felt. I wanted to apologize for thinking you were too old."

I laughed. "Pete, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. brother."

He continued. "These young kids, they're driving me crazy. All they want to do is car stop, car stop, car stop. They question everything, too! I don't know how you were so patient."

"Let me tell you something, Pete...I was the exact same way when I started back in 1979. All I wanted to do was write tickets and arrest the world. I'd venture to say most coppers, when they first got on the job, were like that. I know I was."

It was the truth. I know I had to have gotten on a few veteran officers' nerves in my early years. I'd find out over the course of my career, though, that an arrest wasn't always the right solution to a problem or issue. Everything's not always black and white, and sometimes you don't need to go by the book to be effective. Common sense plays a big role in that decision-making matrix and, unfortunately, you can't teach that trait.

Some officers never get that.

You give people a break on a minor violation, chances are they'll remember that down the road and maybe help you out. A couple of joints in someone's pocket or car? Grind it into the pavement with your heel as you tell them they're getting a break and I guarantee they'll remember it. Fifteen or so years ago, another young officer wondered why people would call me or stop on station to give me information on criminal activity or people."George (not his real name, either), you give someone a pass on a violation and that'll happen. You don't treat everyone you come across like crap just because you have a badge."

I firmly believe that the best skill a policeman can develop is learning how to talk to people. I don't care how fast they can run, how much weight they can lift or how well they shoot, they'd better learn how to talk to people. Quickly.

 I once watched a veteran officer talk an enraged man into putting down a knife he was wielding in a threatening manner. I was amazed because I thought the man would surely have to be shot, he was that upset and distraught.

I learned from that incident. I understood the lesson.

Now, all these years later, Pete understands, too.